Manusia merancang namun peraancangan Allah yang terbaik (Al Imran 3:54)
Assalamuaikum blog readers. Here we go on this chinese new year break. Alhamdulilah ada jugak masa nak update blog tersayang ni kan. Hmm the year of 2015? Alhamdulilah I started with a big smile, with a huge mission, with trillion efforts to achieve my  thousands dreams . Ya rabb, please ease my journey on this awesome year. I’ve turned 19 and sikit lagi kot boleh lah nak kawin. Ceh bajet gila nak kawin ahahahhaha lulz merah lulz. Panjang lagi kot hayat dirimu ini, karier yang dipilih bukan lah sesenang yang difikirkan. A way to heaven , in sha allah. Challenges faced during foundation year barulah seciput out of tak tahu lah nak cakap..as if baru 2% dari 100% yang bakal ditempuhi in degree level nanti.
Ya Allah dikala aku diuji dengan seribu cabaran, aku memohon diberi ketabahan semaksimum mungkin, diberi seribu satu daya untuk melawan kata kata syaitanurajim yang sentiasa berbisik secara sengaja dan tidak sengaja. Ya Rabb, I realize how small I am this entire huge world. Engkau Maha Adil Ya Allah. Ye aku tahu, engkau Si Pemberi Rezeki dan engkau juga Si Pemberi NIkmat sejak azali kepada hamba hambamu ini. The heart keep on saying that im not strong enough to face this, I once fall the moment I received this message aka ‘this khabar berita’. That moment when I feel that I failed to be a good sister for my only big bro. that moment when I feel that im losing my other half. That moment which I hope I could go back to my past years. That moment when I hope to hug him and stand by him in the hospital. That moment when I know my mum was in tears and I just didn’t want to see that nor to feel it. Okay ** I just couldn’t write more as this tiny clear sprinkle is flowing all around my face right now. Ya allah please give me the strength. 
Sayang, Im sorry for not being near you the moment that you knew you’re diagnosed with _____. Its hard for me to accept this fate but who am I to deny the this fate. I know you’re strong, strong enough to grow up be a good son of abah and mama. I know you’re struggling in this entire life with the disease you’re diagnosed with. You’re too young for all of this, too young to enjoy this world with you being sick. But bear in mind, Allah takkan uji hambanya melainkan hambanya itu mampu menanggungnya. Go on with your life big brother, and I will always pray for you. WILL ALWAYS until the last day im on this earth, in sha allah. Abang, make abah and mama proud of you. Kalau lah kakak diberi pilihan, kakak sanggup nak tanggung derita abang tu tapi Allah nak uji abang. Kakak lagi tak sanggup nak tengok abang tanggung sorang2 tapi abang kena kuat. Its part of your life, you’re just 14. See, panjang lagi perjalanan hidup yang penuh pancaroba ini. Promise me, sentiasa ingat Allah and doa so that abang boleh hidup macam manusia lain semula in sha allah. Nanti kakak besar, i will be your doctor and mama’s okay? Don’t worry cause I love you too much and there’s no word to describe kakak’s feeling right now.
Lots of love, kakak. 

hello 2015 and yeah hello 1436 hijrah. O Allah may this year will be a better year as i've been living for 18 years and 18 days and okay (tak tahu berapa hours, minutes serta seconds) . nothing much to update this blog tapi rasanya dah berkurun lamanya tak update (kihkih macam bajet gila padahal last month je kot. And obviously from each post before I did write yang I tak update berkurun en ahahhaha ini semua poyo). All the memories spent in 2014 was hard to be forgotten..definitely ! semua masalah ada. masalah dengan kawan. masalah dengan hati dan perasaan. Masalah jiwa dan raga bakul basket semualah, kalau nak cakap satu persatu memang alamatnya READERS BARU I TAK LARAT LAAA NAK BACAA ( ahahhahahaa mohon terasa orang yang sepatutnya muehehe .. kira dah bayar hutang ah ni hehe J J . 0-0 ah kan ?

Allah berfirman: “jadikan hari ini lebih baik daripada hari yang semalam, jadikan hari esok lebih paik daripada hari ini”. Rasanya firman Allah tu dah cukup lengkap serta padat nak hurai azam tahun ni. Azam semua orang ada kan, but sometimes tu la masalahnya azam2 ni semua takde lah kekal selamanya, selalunya berangan je lebih. Hmm rasanya nak tambah satu azam ah, nak cari boyfriend wooooo lulz nya merah lulz gila. Bla ah boyfriend ampun sikit TAK SAMPAI MASA LAGI AH hamek kau sampai capslock kot hhahaha. In sha allah, the year 2015, will be full of colours, baik warna biru yang tenang with awesome memories built in KMKN , mahupun warna hitam yang akan menjadi memori pahit ataupun warna kelabu yang akan meng’dull’kan hidup ni sekejap. But yeah, there’s a quote that says, your past mistakes are meant to guide you NOT to define you. see, mana ada orang yang perfect kan. You will always do mistakes ikut lah dari ceruk dunia mana pun memang tetap akan ada mistakes yang kita buat. I WAS CREATED TO MAKE MISTAKES, NOT TO FAKE PERFECTIONS.

Hmm first day in KMKN was spent wisely with my mates yang gila-gila sumpah kalau nak sebut kat sini rasanya penuh blog ni kot muehehhe.

1)     Teman jogging : syu’a , fami , tiktik

2)     Teman movie, atikah tinggi kurus lidi, intan, humaira, raihanah, thierah ( ceh ni masa tengok kaho – naho (( like this was my second Hindustan movie, ampun sikit I mana tengok cerita Hindustan. Tapi kan kan ,end up nangis jugak tengok cerita ni, ada lah dalam 1 tissue je air mata oooops that embarrassed me a lot haha

3)     Teman cerita pasal budak2 kat kolej, pasal instagram (( walhal takde insta pun) : tiktik (ofcourse my forever bedmate yang dicintai puii nya puii haha AND syu’a (( ni pakar pendengar masalah cinta. Just broke up with your boyfie?? call her maybe hahahah kan syu syu ;))

4)     Teman nak dapatkan semangat balik kalau rasa down yang teramat sangat . you know what when you fall as if jatuh yang tergolek golek yang dah tak mampu  nak bangun sendiri and when you really need a hand to hold to, a shoulder to cry on : semestiya my rakan rakan F317 ( aqils.yun.tiktik)

5)     Teman yang boleh bawak gelak sampai tahap giga, yang kalau ada meter yang boleh ukur tahap ‘gelak’ dalam hidup ni kan diorang ni memang boleh buat meter tu rosak (LOL) : ((banyak kategori lah sikit eh haha)) :

·        Teman seperjuangan dalam kelas semestinya M1 (( muiz kot rasanya hahahaah eh nanti dia bajet tahap giga cemana lantak ah ahha jujur ni kot haha, raja , soul and awesome girlfriends

·        Teman sebilik semestinya lah kan, yang pagi petang siang malam tengok muka yang sama je, sedih sama sama, gelak sama sama, makan sama sama, outing sama sama semualah sama sama haha

·        Dan juga teman se programme, kisah lah daks engineering ke, daks pharmacy ke, daks vinayaka ke, daks fib ke, daks rcmp ke semua tu boleh masyukkkk je J berkawan biar beribu en, berkasih biar satu weee.

Pehhh penat ah nak tulis lagi hahahha. Ni sementara cuti sebab keputeraan kedah je jadi lah tak busy mana. Class pun tarak, buku pun belek2 macam tu je ( at least belek daripada tersimpan atas meja tu kan ahahahha ) 

(all of yang kat atas ni dikarang seminggu yang lepas. okay sekian :) 

semester 1 is overrrr **nak melompat sampai ke bulan boleh tak??

ahkak rasa malu pulak nak update blog kali ni. p/s : post sebelum ni  dikarang two months ago tapi hari ni baru karang cipan betul hahaha. sorry earthlings , loads of works menyebabkan i tak menang tangan buat kerja menang kaki ke ooops :P okay assalamualaikum again it has been months or what since the second last post. being a pre medic student is not easy. 

(( and that one upthere was last week's punya penulisan. penulisan ke wahahah )) its like when i first touched down in kota bharu ececece bajet naik flight, maksud i arrived in kotbharu from alor star, i did say to myself that i'll be updating my blog..like uhh...like everyday but it ends not as planned *argh benci diri ini. you see i keep on proscatinate so yeah tak berupdate lah blog ni. 
and i freakingly dont know what to write now, where is my mood. i have slept for like 3 hours. i mean it was almost 3hours betapa teruknya. dah lah maghribnya. astaghfirullah ya allah, forgive me for my vast amount of sins. sesungguhnya aku hamba mu yang lemah maka ya allah ampunkan dosaku. Engkau lah yang Maha Pemaaf :)
OKAY. sem 1 was over and i've been thinking how my result would be. i dont ask for a 4rata cause i know it is not my type. i wish to have one. no not one,.lots! In shaa Allah, i will have that one too i will. okay meh akak nak cerita pasal sem 1 foundation in science kolej mara kuala nerang. faham tak susah gila rasa macam nak amik phd. i was like duhhhhh the hell is this. couldnt imagine macam mana orang lain jawab dengan tenangnya sumpah la diorang telan buku ke apa. whatever it is, i felt very grateful that i ended my final for sem 1 dengan tenang sekali hahahaha tenang ke? i guess. hoping so. ya allah, easy my marks to give me an A !!
toodles for now. will keep on updating. jangan la marah kalau tak berupdate pun. cause this is my private diary mannnn. tapi semua orang boleh baca hahahahahhaha okay stop. asslamualaikum :)

officially a student of KMKN ? KMKN ??? apakah

my god weeks rasanya tak update ( eh bajet je weeks ,, its months okay merah ahhhahaha sedar sikit aip aip) . so where should i start. being an official KMKN student ahah rasa macam takde life. eh no no no. not for  me , lantak lah orang kata aku macam tak layak nak amik medic. im not a doctor with those nerd face or thick glasses (hakikatnya pakai jugak hahahahhah) . i dream to be a doctor who enjoys life like heavenly hehe yang tak serabut dengan buku je i wanna be a person yang suka buat orang happy yang suka gelak kuat gila gila with my girlfriendsss yang gedikkk yeah ((doesn't mean you have to be gedik to enjoy life la weh , come on )) schedule in KMKN sumpah macam seseri. suddenly my face full with tears reminiscing the moments in seseri. how is my 216 siblings doing right now. but not to worry i have 5 of them in here hahhahaha and because of that we realised that no matter where seserians go, they never forget their sisters. ahh sayang estrella too much. dah keluar sekolah pun semangat berkobar2 okay u know the day bila kita decide nak pakai baju estrella semua orang awesome en ? and everybody's like staringgggg at us, eh eh kau apahal. nak la tu cehhh AHHAHAHA.  emm if i would to open the story on my study life there, and i have to get at least 2 rolls of toilet tissues :( uhuks. ye lah sedar diri amik course yang sangat la berat mata memandang , berat lagi bahu memikul kan i have to keep my head up and ahead. no matter things happen , keep smiling. smiling pun kadang2 dah bila otak tepu tahap concentration yang paling high dah nak buat  macam mana lagi kannnn.  i was yet so lucky to have my estrella sisters as my roomate plus sorang budak science johore. okay what :) at least tak awkward. but well i do believe in creating new pals and mates. staying in the room F317 bapak panas sebab takde tingkah *sigh. tapi tak pe bersyukur dekat degan cermin hahahahahhaha. my girls AQILS TIKAH AND YUN, they light up my every day in kmkn and sure i'll never lose them except for death. M1 - classmates i pulak gila gila uolls. ahh awesome gilaaaa rasa nak peluk semua orang okay. we only just met and we gonna be sure that we will be bestfriend insya allah :) 17 people in a class rasanya tu class paling kecik i pernah ada. heaven kan? one more thing you should know WE WILL FACE THIS SAME FACES FOR THE UPCOMING FIVE YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSS. BAYANGKANNNN ??? allah je tahu betapa boleh rapat nya kan. ya Allah, make this friendship stay until jannah. put our hearts together as brothers and sisters. mana tahu ada yang kawin ke kan ooops hahahahaha aku tak, cop tak :) meh nak cerita rutin harian .  ahad sampai khamis. - bangun - solat - iron tudung (wajib eh haha ) - mandi - makan - pergi class. lagi heaven kalau hari tu lecture tak banyak which is on tuesday sumpahhh rasa macam nak tido je memanjang hehe- 2.30 : class finished -.lunch - lepak library ((most of the time to avoid sleepiness during noon)) - dinner - solat maghrib isya + tazkirah + kulimin - prep - supper ( is always a cup of hot chocolate ahh yumyum )- balik bilik - halau charlie and the chocolate factory and binatang terbang hijau ( mesti korang pelik kan nanti i post gambar bagi uolls tengok kay hehe) and ahah ni part paling malas nak ulas. midsem exam in less then a month. okay go die. jom bunuh diri sama sama. astaghfirullahalazim mahirah. hdkcsfgsicuhdsdfuisnfiabfvpavd like omg dekat gila dah. you know what there are times when i feel like there's nobody in this world that could help my entire woes dekat kmkn. there are times i feel so lonely. there are times i feel to burst in tears for the rest of that entire day sumpahh. kadang kadang rasa baik takpayah hidup lah macam ni. and i just dont like to write bout this. cause later i'll regret what kind of path im taking ahead. crazy duhh mahirah? are you? tak kan. so live your life. where's your intention you've been saying to yourself like everyday. ya allah , please give me the strength to go on with ma life insya allah i will. no matter what happens, even when you dont have any shoulder to cry on, remember that Allah always listen to you. He's the best companion in every muslim's life, right? ' Mengadulah kepada Allah, nescaya dia mendengar nya' seee, even pepatah pun ada cakap macam tu  sit back. relax mahirah. you can do it. jangan ikut orang. ikut cara kita berjaya jugak insya allah :)

FOUND MY first KELEMAHAN

 
hey my life not yours blog hikhik. oh kebosanan nya aku ini malam . haru je asa nak buat apa tah sekarang ni. okay mari bercerita tentang semalam macam best je macam best je. okay post ni sebenarnya erti kata lain nak cakap bahawasanya you have to give yourself a chance in expressing your own feeling. masa seseri memang aku ratu diary hehe semua ceritera ada dalam diary aku almaklumlah aku kan homesick uhuks *kononnya lah haha
oh macam aku tak tahu nak start kat mana . haila putus fius betul lah aku haha tak cukup litar ke merah  (( setiap kali entri post mesti tanya pasal macam mana nak start ayat en haha )) tak kisah la nak start macam mana pun yang aku tahu tittle aku punya post kali ni memang mendalam gila. really found something hidden in myself rupanya. ce teka menda haha alkisahnya macam ni aku pergi keluar makan en dengan sisa baki kex yang ada kat kelantan kan . tu pun sapa je yang ada. sumpah i tell you, we never expect that we would go this far - seriously. sumpah ni tau. you know macam kitaorang rapat gila yang gila punya rapat macam takde border langsung (( ade aaa kalau laki pompuan =.= )) we never expect to be THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS CLOSE until you feel a kind of missing-them when they go for their separate ways. its like half of me is with you guyss :'(  *nangis air mata darah sekali pun diorang pergi jugak dek kerana mengejar cita cita yang diimpikan dalam hidup masing masing. uhuks aku tak nak emo malam ni tapi masalahnya memang maacam tu. ya allah, why are people going away from ma life. why the hell is this happening. ???? astaghfurullah sabar lah merah dah namanya hidup , ni bukan makan ke tidur ke. emm terima je lah. feels like badz baru je pergi haila ni ameer and tiah pulak nak pergi. :'( how could i face my world without them ecece tapi ye lah aku tak tipu langsung ni woi.
alamak hai dah mencarut sangat ni hai hahaha. okay em its like everybody have their own kekurangan yet kelebihan. it depends on you whether you show em or not. but it was obviously kantoi gila bila benda ni jadi masa keluar tu en apa la aku. teruk oi sumpah nak sorok dalam bantal  je muka aku time tu. okay satu satu nya benda kelemahan abadi aku ni is AKU TAK BOLEH KALAU ORANG LAKI TENUNG AKU even with those crazy bffs sumpah tiba2 akan rasa macam darah naik berderu-deru ke muka seolah2 ada orang simbah darah tau tak. haila merah mana boleh doe macam ni haha. nanti kau masuk universiti ke mende ke assignments lagi kena buat confirm dalam group. tak main la group all girls macam kat seseri, confirm2 dah mix. dah kalau sekali ditenung orang lelaki kau malu alamatnya sampai bila bila pun tak siap kerja kau. okay chill merah. haha you gotta find ways to make situations like discussions in group tak jadi awkward , kalau tak baik bukak universiti sendiri. omg im a weirdo hahaha., ye ke weird? bukan cute ke? hahahahhaha haru lah aku macam ni kalau ada ubat nak sembuh penyakit aku ni confirm aku pergi cari kat guardian ke watson ke haha. hojadi beringat lah ye. if we are meant to bump into each other, and if you're a guy mohon segala mohon jangan pandang mata aku hahaa confirm aku gelabah semacam pastu mula lah mencarut habis sebab nak cover malu hahaha. 

#throwback. halimatus saadiah. merangkap PA aku selamanya kat kex. merangkap neighbour paling aku rapat. merangkap driver jugak hahahaha

                               
                                          #farewell tiah uhuks. will meet ya later huks huks :'(

# farewell ameer and amin . semoga kita berjumpa eccecece :P
wasalam untuk hari ni hehe :)

If Allah is the reason for you to start , why not ?

yeay kinda back after weeks of not updating any news. to be honest i was quiet since i was so busy preparing myself for the intake to PALAM. yeah i got PALAM to pursue asasi sains and i yest accept the offer to PALAM but still in mind im hoping for mara - rather in the sense of IB or the normal foundation in science so that i can be called "DR" one day chewah berangan bhai haha. theres nothing much happened as a SPM leaver *oii dah lama kot tinggal spm. otak pun boleh tahan karat. chemistry macam lupa je semua haha. staying at home reading story books and newspapers *ni sumpah sometimes je baca haha* was my daily routine. eh jangan lupa eh jadi driver and bibik jugak. haha
eh nak cakap pasal apa eh? em okay let me start the path of knowing that i received MARA's offer. oh i was deadly the most elated person in the world. born to be not a really-genius person i really thanked Allah for this golden opportunity He had given to me. sumpah rasa nak nangis air mata darah. it was like i slept early on that 24th may. and out of the blue idk what woke me up at around 4.45am then was so shocked. *There was a jaw-drop expression on my face seriously. and i saw 700++ messages from 18 conversations from my Whatsapp !! !! omg omg omg

a friend of mine named halimatus - i'd known her since KEX. she is actually my neighbour also. i shared almost everything with her , well her cheerful-type-of-person makes me feel to laugh every second every minute every hour with her. and one of the messages from her was...
GUESS 
WHAT...

ahh i burst in tears. i was blurred. i was astounted. i was on top of the cloud. i was at the peak of a mountain. i was ' IS THIS A DREAM. DONT TELL ME YESS. OR AM I BERANGAN ANGAN? ' ya allah only allah knows my heart was beating like i'll die in 30 seconds. there's no word i could say that time. and my head yet mouth kept on saying 'Alhamdulilah Alhamdulilah' for thousand times. to those people outside who is much better than me, this maybe a emmph to them but not to me. i really felt very grateful for what i received. 
Insya allah i'll be doing foundation in Science for a year in Kolej Mara Kuala Nerang and will pursue my study in Medicine at Royal College of Medicine  Perak. this is what i hoped for so please pray for my success insya allah. 
okay so KMKN ni cane eh? haha. alamak hai kedah oii jauh nya from kelantan memang tak dapat balik lah aku en masa pulang bermalam haha. homesick la nanti aaa cemana ni takpelah kena kuat. nama lagi nak belajar. if you dont take the challenge in life then how can you improve . insya allah this will be my path to be doctor as what i aimed for. so that's why - if Allah is the reason for you to start , reach the sky and grab the stars :)

MARA'S INTERVIEW at KOLEJ MARA BANTING

HOLA LOLA. haha okayh kembali bersua kita bersama. haaa jom la pulak nak cerit pasal interview mara ni hah. mana nak start hah emm haha. okay fine kita orang pergi hari jumaat which yang pergi ni my dad and i je taw. pastu macam muqri ni manja lah kan, of course la atok aku yang duduk keyel tu nak jumpa cucu kesayangan dia, bodek punya bodek mak aku, akhirnya adikku yang seorang ini ikut jugak. haha awesome lah jugak bila ada 3 orang dalam kereta takde la bohsan sangat kan. we departed from our house around 11am and arrived safely around 8pm. jam oii keyel hari jumaat. aku dah tak boleh nak duduk senyap dalam kereta haha.gerak sana gerak sini nasib lah. malam tu jugak buat research bagai 'kononnya lah' .punya la takut sampai pasal mara pun baca goshh haha.keesokannya pagi2 pun buat research jugak masya allah haha. baca kenapa nak jadi doct la. why gynecology la? why wanna go overseas la? haha nanti karang kena soal tak ke mampus tak boleh jawab. haha. tepat pkul 12 lebih2, maka bertolak lah kami dari shah alam ke banting. hadui kau hati aku macam berdebar oi jantung atas lantai rasa nak baling jauh jauh je haha.alkisahnya sampai la kolej mara banting. mak kau macam sekolah bhai terkejut aku ya allah. takkan la nak masuk sekolah balik masya allah tak sanggup. tapi sumpah yang mana nak enjoy university life, kmb ni memang kena out of the list jauh2. sabar je la,. sekolah aku yang seseri lagi lawa haha.

arrived at 1.10pm cenggitu and my heart was like pumping like i wanna die on the spot haha. my stomach was singing huih macam apa dah. then my dad kata, takpe la kita pergi makan. i was hah makan?
oh makanan apa pun aku tak nak sentuh dah masa ni haa gila gila. then it when awesomely. i was in J group. number 5 :) haha.  pastu mula2 masuk bilik interview tu. i was grouped in group of 10 and there was like chairs arranged in a semi-circle shape. so our first challenge was a group discussion,
                  " you're in an air balloon. the air balloon will fall down. discuss who should you remove." ahh tak ingat lah macam mana soalan dia. kan ada 10 orang so different person different characters. ada prime minister, emma maembong ke. mine was tony fernandez. :) tokei air asia ooh haha. then defend urself lah supaya you stay atas air balloon tu. next soalan is pun group discussion jugak. fikir je. basically they wanna see how you think. how you solve problem. can you speak in front of people? haaa camtu je insya allah boleh junior-juniorku huhu. last but not least, it was an individual interview. kawan-kawanku punya soalan ya allah susah weh, poligami la. hudud la. astaghfirullah ya allah aku bersyukur sangat masa kena soalan ni. alhmdulilah sangat tak kena soalan macam tu. mine was about
                   " DEFINE HAPPINESS TO YOU" ya allah allahu nak melompat masa tu. alhamdulilah kat KEX dah belajar macam mana nak jawab soalan interview. what's the point withdrawing your parents moneyy like almost 1000 ringgit kot end up you don't even use the techniques you've learnt , right? insya allah thanks to KM and capt and KEXITO haha. seriously in any interviews, the things we learnt in Kex really help me through out all those interviews i attended before. sumpah swear. and yet whatever it is, thanks to my daddy, mummy, sarah, abang, and muqri haha *muqri bagi support ke? bagi okay haha . thats all bye peeps.